Pastel on Toned Paper
12″ x 18″
QUESTION: What do you call it when you get so far behind photographing and posting self-portrait drawings, you can’t see your studio floor?
ANSWER: Perilously close to your Master of Fine Arts Thesis Exhibition
Welcome to one of the least funny jokes I know. For real. My life has become frowny-face fodder for even the most dedicated hoarder. Physical space, mental space, emotional space: they’re all stacked to the ceiling with odds and ends, ups and downs. I suppose I should expect no less scant weeks from a major end/beginning. but that doesn’t stop me wishing for a clear spot… at least something big enough to stand in for a brief, golden, peaceful moment.
In other words, I’m in deep: so much so that saying I’m seriously overwhelmed is seriously underestimating the situation. Days gallop along with me clinging desperately to the reins wondering what just flew past my peripheral vision. Gee… I hope that wasn’t important….
None of this is a surprise, of course: not really. Oh sure, safe in the soft nurturing arms of my first graduate year, I conjured fuzzy, perfectionist dreams of a totally organized second year. I would plan everything, and, moreover I would stick to that plan with gum-in-your-hair-before-a-wedding tenacity. Not for me the procrastinator panic I saw from the previous class. Hahahhaha, oh no. I would be together.
Even in the midst of my wildest flights of unjustified superiority complex, some rational, realist part of me knew neat and organized was not how my final semester would go down. For better or worse, I am a deadline driven artist, at least when it comes to finishing things to the point of exhibition. So, really, I was always going to be one of the goggle-eyed, high-strung, OH-MY-GOD-WHAT-THE-FUUUUUUUUU-DID-I-GET-MYSELF-INTO panickers.
Now I’m plunk in the midst of the crazy, and the title of this post says it all. Life is rather massively unfunny at the moment. It isn’t funny or fun or fundamentally healthy or anything else you can think of that starts with the sixth, twenty-first and fourteenth letters of the English alphabet (except perhaps fungus… the situation is kinda fungus-y). Hopefully the chaos proves worth it in a few weeks. Whatever else happens, I am at least managing to make daily drawings (as evidenced by my studio floor). The rest I’ll forgive myself… for now.